Burning Bridges
by Henry V
Summary: As An assasination attempt is partially foiled, Shinji learns that not everything is as it seems...
1. Chapter 1

First of all, let me say that this is quite brutal. I mean real brutal. If you can't stomach death of innocents, don't read this. Really, don't.

Secondly, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any affiliated works, so if Hideako Anno wishes this to be removed from the site, I will do so unconditionally.

Thirdly, I'd like to ask you to help me find my bearings on what you can or cannot do. I have read some darker fics, and they have inspired me to write this one. As mentioned before, I would like to apologize if this offends anyone.

So, as the sun sets on the horizon, I pray that the things going bump under my bed don't come out tonight….

Burning Bridges

By Henry V

Chapter 1 – Unconditional Surrender

Shinji heard the scream from Asuka's room. Just barely. His SDAT was still playing, and he was slowly drifting off to sleep. He made nothing of it, since screams of rage and surprise seemed to be commonplace around the Second Child, Asuka Langley Sohryu.

The music played on, and he thought all was well until an almighty crash and more screams were heard from Asuka's room. He pulled the earplug out and listened..

There was fighting going on, and several pairs of feet moving. And her screams were out of fear.

He rushed to the door, only to have it slammed open by a tough looking, hooded figure. He froze, and took a shocked step back. The guy laughed and grabbed him, pulling him out into the living room. Someone was bent over a struggling figure, obviously limiting her freedom of movement with rope. Another figure, hooded and on her knees was next to them. Shinji was dragged up to the two and forcefully bound too. Then he heard two shots coming from Misato Katsuragi's room, and screamed.

Then a figure came out of the room, holstering his gun.

"Dumb bitch was drunk unconcious. Well, she's dead drunk now…" they laughed cruelly, and the guy (obviously the leader of the party) took off his mask. He was blonde, and had an air of focused insanity.

"Hey Bill, let's kill these pieces of shit. They'll be easier to get to our drop off point that way. No noises and such. Less observation needed."

Bill thought for a while. Then nodded. "Best get rid of these hell spawn before they arouse suspicion. I'll do it. " with that he pulled off the hood of the first figure, Rei Ayanami. She blinked, and tried to focus on the situation at hand. Bill raised his gun in her face, taking aim quickly, and fired. The slug pushed its way through her forehead, shattering as it penetrated, and the shrapnel took out a large portion of blood and brains as it exited her cranium. Her head was flung back, and she collapsed on the floor in a broken heap.

The man looked like he was changing the battery of a flashlight, unconcerned and ruthless. He turned to the second child, Asuka. Shinji could only watch in horror as he grabbed her hair and pulled her up. She screamed, whimpered and shook, tears flowing freely as she faced her death.

Shinji stirred from his shock and tried to get to her, to save her somehow. But the guy holding him kicked him in the back and sent him flying to the floor. He screamed in rage, screamed at the guy to stop, let her live. The man paused, and looked at him. He smiled evilly. He let her go, dropping her to the ground. He walked over to him and picked him up. Asuka was still sobbing on the ground, as Bill pulled Shinji up and embraced him from behind. Shinji feared the worst and closed his eyes, but as the warm butt of the recently fired gun pressed against his palm he tore his eyes open.

He was holding it, the man's hand over his, guiding his finger to the trigger. He looked at it, then over the barrel to what it was pointed at.

"ASUKA! NO!" he began to tear at the man, trying to free himself, to stop him from doing this. The man was too strong, and after half a minute of vain struggle, he just wept openly. Hanging limply in the mans arms, he could do less than nothing. Asuka had sat up, and looked with red shot eyes at him, mentally pleading for her life. All he could do was look back, asking forgiveness for his ineptitude to protect her.

"Killing is easy, you know. All it takes is a small bit of pressure here, and a person dies. And as you are bound for hell anyway, I might as well give you the plesure of introducing you to the feel of death on your hands. Betray her, Shinji Ikari. Betray your friend and comrade. Make her suffering end. And then go to hell. "

Asuka closed her eyes, shaking visibly. Shinji's finger was pushed against the trigger, and he felt anger build up inside.

Anger at his incapability to help, to save her and Rei.

Anger at his father, for allowing this to happen.

Anger at the man forcing him to kill his friend, through his own hand.

He began to struggle again, pushing the gun all over the place, trying to drag his hand away again.

Bill laughed. A terrible, cruel laugh. He locked Shinji's arm behind his back and steadied the gun with his other hand, making it impossible for Shinji to fight his will.

"Shinji… look at me…" came the shaky voice of Asuka. He looked up, still trying desperately to fight the man.

"it's o-okay, I, I, I f-f-orgive you-" a shot rang out, and Asuka fell back, blood spraying the wall behind her.

Shinji felt the world crash around him, and the fight drained right out of him.

He had killed her.

Killed Asuka.

Killed.

Kill.

Kill me.

"Kill me." He said, no emotion in his words.

Bill released him, his arms dropping to his sides as he stood up and cocked his gun. Shinji just stared at Asuka's broken form lying in front of him.

Tears ran down his face, and he felt like worst living thing on this earth. He had even less right to live than the angels. He had to be destroyed. He could not be allowed to live anymore. He must die.

Bill looked at the boy. He smiled evilly and allowed himself to enjoy the boy's pain for a moment. Then he laughed and aimed.

A shot fired makes a sound. There is a spraying of blood, a body tumbling to the floor. Someone struggles to breathe, painfully. Then a second, third, fourth shot is fired. Running feet, abruptly stopping and several clatters of half drawn weapons landing on the floor. Shinji does hear all these things, but is too engrossed at the horror in front of him.

Asuka, dead.

Rei, Dead.

Misato, in her room, dead.

And soon he would be dead too.

After what he'd done, he couldn't blame anyone.

Not his. He could have taken anything, but this.

A hand grasps his shoulder, and a clatter of another gun registers barely along with another arm clutching around his belly. Pressure from behind, lots of weight. He still stares in front of him. Something tickles his cheek, and a warmth spreads over his back. Wetness. Probably blood. His blood? Maybe he'd been shot. He didn't feel it. He didn't feel the shot wound. Maybe you don't feel it. Probably shock. The tickling sensation still stays, and he looks down at his left shoulder.

Purple hair.

Like Misato.

Wait…

He felt reality crash over him as he realized what had happened. Misato was alive!

"Misato? Misato!" he screamed, and turned around fully. He embraces her in a hug, crying. Misato coughs up blood and covers his chest with it. Then he sees the blood all over her chest. One shot wound in her face, through her cheek, another in her chest, just above her heart. A phone falls from her hands, an outgoing call to section two still in progress.

He just couldn't help but sob into her shoulder. Thirty seconds later, the door was kicked down and section two agents stormed the apartment. Twenty men soon filling the flat and covering all corners. Shinji was dragged off Misato and rushed off under protection of five guards. As he was swept out, he heard someone make a call.

"…reporting one casualty, two seriously wounded, critical, medevac immediately requred, one unharmed evacuated under protection…"

Wait, One?

Asuka was …Was she still alive?

But I shot her in the head…

He threw up, splattering the floor. He fell, feeling cold and weak. Four guards took a protective stance, giving the fifth cover to pick him up and carry him. He clung on to the shirt of the guard, burying his face in his chest. A heavily armored van drew up and opened, to let him and the guards get inside and into safety. The van sped off, taking the most direct route to NERV Headquarters.

He woke, lying alone in a room smelling of disinfectant, clean sheets and recycled air. Obvoiusly he was in NERV's hospital. Why was he there? Something happened… he could remember something terrible. But what?

He looked at his hand. Bruised, like someone had punched it very hard. Or…

_The kick of the .50 cal gun going off in his hands aimed at… at… oh god…_

**A/N: as mentioned, I would like to hear what you think about this one. I'm really unsure if this kind of thing is publishable…**

**Anyway, I would like to point out that no pre-reader has been harmed by writing this fic, and all the materials used doing so have been subject to controlled detonation….**


	2. Wanton Disgust of the Soul

**Burning Bridges**

Chapter 2; Wanton disgust of the soul

* * *

...

Shinji stood up. The walls were reflecting the red light oft he setting sun, gently bathing the world in immaterial blood. He felt like more than himself, right then.

_All they do is use me. _

He took a step forwards. The sneakers he wore barely made a sound as he set it down. In the train, the floor was covered in linoleum, so most would have at least squeaked. Fortunately, his were soft soles, so the yielding material didn't make a sound.

_All they want from me is Eva. _

He took a slow, even breath. The soft sound of air rushing first down, then up his windpipe was not louder than the rattling of the train's progress towards its next stop. Taking another step forwards, he swings a hand forwards nonchalantly.

_No one ever thanks me. _

The train hit a snag in the rails, shaking the car ever so slightly. Not enough to unbalance anything, just enough to be noticeable. His eyes are pointed down. No emotion showed.

_No one ever appreciates us. Recognizes us. _

Letting the air in once again, he swung his other foot forward, as soundless as the others.

_No one knows our pain. _

He felt light, weightless. Like a ghost, drifting through the world. A world of faces, of figures. A world of selfishness, of jealousy. A world of disgusting, vile creatures.

_All they see is what the want to see. All they think is what they want to think. _

A world of suffering, of pain and bloodshed. A world where murderers run free, because the righteous are so few, because the righteous are afraid.

_Who am I?_

He stops. He just felt like stopping. Or maybe it's because there's someone standing in front of him. He can't be sure. He turns his eyes up, slowly. The figure is standing maybe two and a half feet away from him, his back turned to him. He obviously doesn't notice him.

_Shinji Ikari. Third Child, Pilot of Evangelion unit one. Son to one Gendo Ikari. Son to one Yui Ikari. _

The figure says something. He doesn't listen. Nothing anyone says anymore is worth listening to. Nothing is worth telling anymore.

_Member of NERV. ID 103866. Rank; Pilot. Age thirteen. _

His gaze traveles up the body of the figure. He is holding something in his outstretched hands, but he can't see what it is.

_Spineless. Stupid. Perverted. Sick. Insane…_

His eyes travel from the head of the figure, down the length of his arms. He makes out a shining gun in his hands.

_Coward. Wimp. Jerk. _

His gaze lingers there, just a few seconds, noticing the smoke still rising from the barell. Smoke of superheated gun oil, mixed with gunpowder.

_All the names she'd called him. They were true. So very true. _

Letting out a soft breath, he follows the sight of the gun, the line of fire.

_My empress. My goddess. My amazon. _

Red. All around him, red. The light of the setting sun, drowning the weak light that was shed by the fluorescent tubes that lit the carriage.

_The raging storm of fire and air, the strongest person he knew. Lying there. Just lying there. _

Red pooled under the body. It was spreading, slowly but surely it was spreading. It's a girl. In a yellow sundress. Gently he takes in another lungful of air. He lets it out, just as softly.

_My ears are ringing. Why are my ears ringing?_

The girl's face is turned away. Her red hair is flung over her left side of the face. Silky, red hair. Long, so long. He looks up the wall.

_Stains. Red stains. Blood stains. In its centre, a hole, punched in the metal behind the girl. _

His heart beats quickly. The air is no longer sufficient. He takes a faster pull of air, releasing it quickly after. Then another. And another. Pain. His chest is constricting.

_My reason to live. My reason to fight. My reason to hope. To believe, to trust…_

No one is moving. They are ignoring him, the girl, and the figure standing in front of him.

_Why does everyone use me?_

The cabin shook, but no one was affected by the tremors. He looked at eh figure, this time straight at the face. He saw…

_NO!_

"_You are a monster, Shinji. Look at her. She's dead because of you, Shinji Ikari"_

The mocking mirror image pointed at the girl lying in a pool of blood, which grew ever larger around her.

He whimpered, drawing himself together as if it could somehow hide him from what he could not run away from.

"_How… disgusting…"_

The voice he knew and heard so often before drew his head up. There was Asuka-

He drew away, and a scream dried in his throat as he beheld the sight of his fellow pilot.

There she stood, as if she'd be standing every day before. She had her arms crossed, and what was left of her face was set in an ashamed expression. Blood ran down her face, dripping off her chin and onto the floor, along with the life essence that ran down her back, shoulders and legs to join its warm pool.

"_You killed me, Shinji. You betrayed me. I was your friend, and you betrayed me like I was nothing…"_

Shinji couldn't take it, and tried to close his ears off from the words that cut his heart up and scrambled his mind…

-/\-

* * *

-\/-

Misato woke, slowly. The whiteness glared at her and forced her to keep her eyes closed. Only the rhythmic beeps of the cardiac monitor beside her told her that she was in some kind of medical ward. NERV's or the local hospital? And what of her…

Tears began to slide out of her eyes as she thought of the three children. What had the basterds done with them? She'd seen two sprawled bodies, and Shinji was the last thing she'd seen before blacking out.

Her lungs hurt, and her skull ached. Breathing hurt. Moving hurt.

What the fuck happened to me?

Breath came shorter and shorter, and her heart began to make up to the lack of oxygen as her body drenched the blood stream with an overdose of adrenalin…

-/\-

* * *

-\/-

Ritsuko Akagi was hunched over her desk, her head in her hands. Her hair looked like she'd been drenched in water and then left in the gutter to dry.

Fifty cups of coffee littered her floor, paying tribute to the last 72 hours of misery and pain.

Maya had come back to work then after her second break. She'd taken the first three hour break after 42 hours solid work and the second 20 hours later. Persuading her sempai to rest was futile, and earned her several hot burns as she'd thrown cups of scolding coffee at her subordinate.

"So how's the medical treatment coming on for them?" she asked timidly, bringing her fifty-first sleep substitute (apart from the cigarettes, which numbered somewhere in the high 200ds), which she accepted with a sigh and a curt nod, but not a word.

Ritsuko took a sip of the vile bean soup and just stared at the screen of her desktop. Then a small message sign blinked up and she almost dropped the carton cup as she hurried to read it.

TO DR R. AKAGI

MEDICAL REPORT ON SUBJECT CAPT. M. KATSURAGI.

Maya couldn't make out the rest as her sempai scrolled it over and read it much too quickly before closing it. She then grabbed her coat and ran out of the office to NERV's medical ward as quickly as her high heels managed.

-/\-

* * *

-\/-

Dizziness. Can't see. _Can't_ _see_….

Desperation…

Exhaustion.

Dull pain.

Pounding pain.

Head?

Dunno.

Sleep…

-/\-

* * *

-\/-

Misato woke again, her eyes defying the glare of white light. There was someone there, making a shadow against the light. Tall. Obviously female.

"….r…ri….tsu…"

Her voice rasped, painfully, as she spoke. There was a clatter and she heard the woman squeak in surprise as she jumped nearly a foot in the air. Misato frowned. What is going _on_ here?

-/\-

* * *

-\/-

"She'll live. Fuck, she was lucky. If that bullet had passed a quarter of an inch lover, she'd be in a black bag by now"

Ritsuko was passed out on her desk, a cup of ignored coffee cooling by her elbow.

"yeah. The major has some real good friends though, thank god. Hey, Maya, how ya doing?"

She grinned sheepishly and sat down next to her sempai, who continued to seem dead to the world.

Maya saw this and squeaked, jumping up as she realized this. Disturbing her could lead to unpleasant tasks in the future, as she well knew. Frowning at the other two, she pointed outside and held one finger to her lips. She seemed… determined… to let her sleep. Aoba just sighed and held his hands up, leaving without a word. Makoto took a bit longer to get it, and then got it from Maya as she shoved him out and drew the door shut behind her. Aoba just rolled his eyes at him as he caught up.

She slept for twelve hours straight. A dreamless, black slumber that left her weak and tired as she woke. She slowly opened her eyes, the humming of the computers fan drawing her to the land of the living.

_Misato Katsuragi… you are the luckiest woman alive…._

_

* * *

_

.-.

._.

* * *

**A/N; Well, hope you like this one. Some light is slowly shed upon the outcome. But.. are they really as they seem? Review and put it on alert to find out!**

**Seriously. Give me feedback! I need to know how you people react to this. Caus what I really want is to draw the reader into a deeply traumatized mind, the mind of Ikari Shinji!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Henry V**


End file.
